ERAP's joke II

THE FIRST BABY
One particular day many years ago, Erap's
wife was having labor pains.
Erap panicked so he called their doctor.
Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor!
Doc: Is she in a lot of pain?
Erap: Yes, doc!
Doc: Is this the first baby?
Erap: No, doc. This is Erap!
QUIZ SHOW
The emcee Alex Tebak, the contestant "Erap"
Emcee: Question number 1 "Ano ang bird ng Pilipinas ?
Erap: Clue please !!!
Emcee: nag uumpisa sa letter "M"
Erap: Madali yan, ...."Manok"
Emcee: Hindi..... Maliit lang at kulay brown.....
Erap: "hindi mo agad sinabi eh, di "pritong manok"...
Emcee: ngyek !!!...
ANOTHER EXAMPLE
Teacher: (talking to ERAP) Can you give me an example of a beast of burden?
ERAP: Carabao, ma'am!
Teacher: Very good, ERAP. Can you give another example?
ERAP: How about another Carabao?

TESTING
As Erap's Driver test drive it.
Driver to Erap: Sir, pweding pakitingin kung umiilaw yung parking light
(as driver switches on the parking light)
Erap: OK, its ON! Gumagana.
Driver: Sir, yung headlights, umiilaw ba? (as driver switches on the headlights)
Erap: OK rin, its ON! Gumagana.
Driver: Sir yung signal light pakitingin? (as driver switches on the signal light)
Erap: Gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw.......
SIMILARITY
What's the difference between Erap and Magic?
Magic is an illusion, Erap is real.
What's the similarities?
The audience think they're both entertaining.
THE POPE AND ERAP
During his visit to the Vatican, Erap met with the Pope.
Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days.
Finally, a weary Erap emerged to face the waiting news media.
The President was smiling and announced the summit was a resounding success.
He said he and the Pope agreed on 80% of the matters they discussed. Then
Erap declared he was going home to the Philippines to be with his
family.
A few minutes later the Pope came out to make his statement. He looked
tired, and discouraged, and was practically in tears. Sadly he announced his
meeting with the President was a failure.
Incredulous, one reporter asked, "But your Holiness, Erap just
announced the summit was a great success and the two of you agreed on 80% of
the items discussed."
Exasperated, the Pope answered, "Yes, but we were talking about the Ten Commandments."
HOSTILE
Sa New York, ini-interview ng isang reporter si Erap.
"Mr. President, what do you think is the secret of happy marriage?" tanong ng reporter.
"Well, for me?" paumpisang Ingles ni Erap, "Everything I demand for sex, my wife supplies?"
Na-turn off ang reporter, "Uhm! Isn't that hostile?" (pronounced as hastayl)
"Horse-style, dog-style, any style is okay for me," sagot ni Erap na may ngiti pa sa labi.
SEX IN THE MOVIES
Reporter: "Mr. President, what can you say about sex in the movies?"
"I am definitely against it." Erap said, the reported was impressed, so Erap continued,  "ang daming motel, bakit pa sila nagsi-sex sa sinehan. Hindi dapat yan."
FIRST LOVE
Ininterbyu si Erap tungkol sa kanyang lovelife:
Reporter: First love?
Erap: Never dies, syempre.
Reporter: About your first crush?
Erap: Ahh? awa ng Diyos, sa dami ng flight ko ngayon, wala naman.
THE ORDER
Erap went to a Japanese restaurant for the first time and was confused what to order.
Erap (Thinking) : "Sashimi, Tereyaki... "
Finally decided, erap said "Bigyan mo ako nung TA-KEHO-ME, waiter."
Waiter : Sir "Take Home" po ang basa diyan.



MODERN INVENTION
Seated between a Japanese and German businessmen, ERAP listens to the two. The German, talking in his native language, had on a headgear. The Japanese asked the German "Kore wa des ka?...what is that?"
GERMAN: "Hiel...dezz iz nothing. It iz zee latest technology ien Germany... the headsvone! I am talking to mine headquarters inzee Berlin."
The Japanese, not to be outdone, also started talking in his native language. The German asked him, "Vhat is dhat?"
JAPANESE: "Ano ne..kore wa is latest Japanes technology in Japan! Have mic implant in tongue... and speaker in ear. I speak to office in Tokyo...neh."
ERAP, irked by the two other nationalities started to do a slow and looong FART. "....TRRRRRRR, TRRRR..PURURUUUUUUUT!" The two businessmen closing their noses say...."&^^%$#@! WHAT'S THAT SOUND???"
ERAP says proudly, "Ah that, that's nothing. I WAS ONLY SENDING A FAX!"